So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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