ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Less talking, more tequila
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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