i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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