When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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