he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
