is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
