hotel room ftw
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
