Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
