I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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