I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
