I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
