So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
