Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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