im having a threesome with these popsicles
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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