why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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