Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
