i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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