Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
