I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
