pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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