I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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