And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
