I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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