That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
