I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
