On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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