You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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