it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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