my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
