went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
