you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
