just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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