i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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