I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
