Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
