whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
