apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize