Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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