Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
thus making me awesome and them whores
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
