how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
This toilet bowl is my home.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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