i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
