trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
barbara walters just said penis...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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