I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
