ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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