i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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