wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
