you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
