I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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