don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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