We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
