Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
i think my cat just said my name.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
