btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
