How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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