Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize