It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
