I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize