she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
