turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
