32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
