yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
