It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
