In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
