did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
no you cant smoke seaweed
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
