I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
