i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
