I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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