Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
