mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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