Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
