$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
