yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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