he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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